City of Bones the Musical
by color0her0wonderful
Summary: And I'd give up forever to touch her, I swear by the angel I would. Language
1. And I'd give up forever to touch her

Jace POV

I instantly felt the sickening feeling of regret after I slammed the door to Luke's house. Another fight with Clary. Great, just what I need. My heart was beating faster now and I felt almost like a lost child. Alone and sad. What I wanted right now was to go back into that house and kiss her, apologize to her like today was my last day on Earth. But I knew I couldn't do that. I could feel the lyrics coming to me as I started to hum and sing along to the tune of my life. The story line was so much like my own it was startling...

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am

And I'd give up forever to touch her, I swear by the angel I would. Like the Seelie Queen had said, "Love makes you a liar.". And it has, she was right. I had told Clary that I would just be her brother, but that wasn't what I wanted, not at all. "When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know you're alive." My life had become so much like a cheesy Hollywood movie script and that made me angry. The only difference was no matter what, the guy doesn't get the girl in the end.


	2. It wouldn't change how you feel

Clary POV

The front door slamming sent a shock of reality through my nerves. What if he didn't come back this time? Was he really that angry? I recalled on the fight we just had...

Jace: You could have gotten yourself killed!

Me: Jace, I was doing just fine by myself.

Jace: You stupid, stupid girl. What don't you understand? When I say I don't want you fighting I mean it. I don't command you just to hear myself speak!

Me: That's just it Jace. You command me, you never ask!

Jace: What do you want me to do Clary? I asked you not to fight and you didn't listen, now I'm telling you!

I didn't understand how Jace could make feel so much but feel so little. He had taken everything from me, stolen it. I knew he hadn't wanted me to fight the ravener that attacked on my way to the institute that night, but it's not like anyone who could help me was there, I was alone. I had done it before I could do it again. Jace didn't have a right to be mad at me, but then again he was just looking out for me. Instantly a song came to mind, a song I couldn't help sing...

If you just walked away  
What could I really say?  
Would it matter anyway?  
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose  
The closet you cannot close  
The devil in you i suppose  
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes  
If I could  
Turn back the years  
If you could  
Learn to forgive me  
Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say  
In moments of disarray  
Succumbing to the games we play  
To make sure that it's real

But everything changes  
If I could  
Turn back the years  
If you could  
Learn to forgive me  
Then I could learn to feel

When it's just me and you  
Who knows what we could do  
If we can just make it through  
The toughest part of the day

But everything changes  
If I could  
Turn back the years  
If you could  
Learn to forgive me  
Then I could  
Learn how to feel  
Then we could  
Stay here together  
And we could  
Conquer the world  
If we could  
Say that forever  
Is more than just a word

If you just walked away  
What could I really say?  
And would it matter anyway?  
It wouldn't change how you feel

It wouldn't change how you feel? The lyrics were oddly depressing, yet rang pure and true. Jace would always be angry with me, for different reasons and no matter what I did it wouldn't change how he felt. How he should feel.


	3. Pain and Open Arms

Simon POV

I don't think Jace realizes what he does to Clary when gets angry with her. Or rather, I believe he solely focuses on what it's doing to him. He doesn't hide it very well, how much he feels for her. I know she loves him too, but I can't get over the fact that it's incest, and I don't think Clary can either. I was angry with her also for fighting that Ravener demon by herself, but I at least understood she had no choice. Did he? The only thing he could seem to think of was that he could lose her. Insanely selfish and utterly in love, that was Jace. She was sitting on the couch in my mothers living room, crying her eyes out for the thousandth time this week, tears for the same person every time.

"Clary? I don't know if you can see this. And I don't understand why you don't. But you hurt me every time you come to me and you cry, like this." I gestured toward her hunched form. "It's a mix of different kinds of pain. For one, I care for you and I hate to see you like this and another I hate to see that you come to _me_ every time about a guy who loves you just as much as I do. It hurts me.

"I'm sorry Simon." she stood up then and I watched her leave, not bothering to stop her. I couldn't soften the blow for her anymore.

I loved Clary, and she knew it, Jace knew it and I'm pretty sure Luke and Jocelyn knew it too. The image of her and me brought a familiar tune to the surface of my brain.

"I don't feel the way I've ever felt.  
I know.  
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.  
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.  
And better now  
Anyone can find the same white pills.  
It takes my pain away.

_[Chorus]_  
It's a lie. A kiss with open eyes  
And she's not breathing back.  
Anything but bother me.  
(It takes my pain away)  
Nevermind these are hurried times.  
Oh oh oh  
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.  
I did.  
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.  
Every time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.  
It isn't hard.  
Anyone can say they're above this all.  
It takes my pain away.

_[Chorus]_

I can't let it bother me.

_[Guitar Solo]_

It takes my pain away.

_[Chorus]_

Takes my pain  
Takes my pain  
Takes my pain  
Takes my pain away" 

I never thought I'd walk away from you, I did.

Jace POV

I was sitting on the porch to Clary's home when I saw her round a corner, head bent. I immediately felt the urge to run to her and comfort her. It was obvious something was wrong. I knew that it was me and what I had said to her. She was right I was commanding. But I couldn't lose her, not like that.

"Clary." I breathed. She looked up alarmed.

"Jace? What are you doing here?"

"I came to say that I was sorry." It had always been difficult to say sorry to people and admit when I was wrong. But with Clary I never had to hesitate to be who I was. She knew it was hard for me to say sorry and that made it a hell of a lot easier. "I don't mean to upset you or... command you."

"Jace, I'm really tired and it's getting late."

"Yea ok, I understand. I just wanted you to know, that I'm sorry." I started to walk away but she grabbed my hand. Her hands were so small and pale, like a tiny child's. She was fragile and I hadn't handled her with care. Here she was taking me back like she always did.

"I don't want to go to bed alone. You're my brother, protect me." I followed her up to her room. Seeing Clary's bed in the center of her room made me shiver. What could we do on that bed tonight? Nothing, we're related.

She fit perfectly in my arms and I decided that I always wanted it to be this way. I told her I'd sing to help her sleep rather than tell her a morbid story about a childs pet bird and the fact that his father killed it to teach him a lesson.

"Lying beside you here in the dark  
Feeling your heart beat with mine  
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere  
How could our love be so blind?

We sailed on together  
We drifted apart  
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you with open arms  
Nothing to hide, believe what I say  
So here I am with open arms  
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me, open arms

Living without you, living alone  
This empty house seems so cold  
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near  
How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back  
Turned night into day  
I need you to stay

So now I come to you with open arms  
Nothing to hide, believe what I say  
So here I am with open arms  
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me, open arms"

So here I am with open arms.


	4. loneliest day baby

Simon POV

Such a lonely day  
And it's mine  
The most loneliest day in my life

Such a lonely day  
Should be banned  
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life  
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day  
Shouldn't exist  
It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a lonely day  
And it's mine  
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go,  
I wanna go with you  
And if you die,  
I wanna die with you  
Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life  
The most loneliest day of my life  
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day  
And it's mine  
It's a day that I am glad I survived.

Okay, so being the person that I am, I'm feeling guilty about shoving Clary out into the night to deal with her own incest-like problems. It wasn't fair of me, but I didn't want to call her or go over there and make amends. I didn't want to do that anymore, I was tired of making everything better for her. And being the one she could fall back on everytime she found out the person she was in love with happened to be her long lost brother.

For all I know, they're sleeping together.

Instantly I pushed that thought away. It didn't even have anything to do with them being related, just the fact that it will never be me. It will never be me that Clary says she loves or even cries for. Just him. Just Jace.

It truly is the loneliest day of my life.

Alec POV

All night staring at this effing ceiling I wondered, Magnus and me being together make things... difficult. Jace had always been the only one that mattered and at this moment, lying next to Magnus on his futon as he slept made it harder to remember that. Maybe I didn't want to remember that. So Jace doesn't have Clary, but he'll meet someone else. It will never be me.

I'm actually kind of surprised he hasn't forgotten all about her yet.

Maybe all I'll ever want is Magnus and Jace. Only on is an option. Magnus will always be mine. We've been having problems lately and he's been getting more and more angry but, he'll miss me eventually. Like he did tonight.

I rested my head and closed my eyes, deciding it didn't matter anymore who the hell Jace hooked up with. As long as it wasn't the cross dresser from down the street. I started to hum slowly before picking it up and singing quietly.

(do do do dop)  
(do do doop do doop da dum)  
(do do doop dum)  
(do do doop do doop da dum)  
(repeat)

we were as one baby  
for a moment in time  
and it seemed everlasting  
that you would always be mine  
now you want to be free  
so I'm letting you fly  
cause i know in my heart baby  
our love will never die,no!

you'll always be a part of me  
i'm a part of you indefinitely  
boy don't you know you can't escape me  
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby  
and we'll linger on  
time can't erase a feeling this strong  
no way you're never gonna shake me  
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby  
(do do doop)  
(do do doop do doop da dum)  
(do do doop dum)  
(do do doop do doop da dum)

i ain't gonna cry no  
and i won't beg you to stay  
if you're determined to leave boy  
i will not stand in your way  
but inevitably you'll be back again  
cause ya know in your heart babe  
our love will never end no  
you'll always be a part of me  
i'm part of you indefinitely  
boy don't you know you can't escape me  
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby  
and we'll linger on  
time can't erase a feeling this strong  
no way you're never gonna shake me  
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

i know that you'll be back boy  
when your days and your nights get a little bit colder ooohhh  
i know that,you'll be right back, baby  
oh, baby believe me it's only a matter of time  
of time

you'll always be a part of me (oooohhhh)  
i'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)  
boy don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)  
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby  
and we'll linger on (and we will linger on)  
time cant erase a feeling this strong (ohhhh)  
no way you're never gonna shake me (oh baby)  
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

you'll always be a part of me (yeah yeah oooohhhh)  
i'm part of you indefinitely (oooohhhh)  
boy don't you know you can't escape me (ooooohhhhhh)  
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby (no no)  
and we'll linger on (you and I will always be)  
time cant erase a feeling this strong  
no way you're never gonna shake me (you & I)  
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby (you & I)

(do do doop)  
(do do doop do doop da dum)  
(do do doop dum)  
(do do doop do doop da dum)

you and i will always be  
no way your never gonna shake me  
no way your never gonna shake me  
you and i will always be


	5. I'm feeling this, i'm alive & i miss you

AN

So for my first act of business I'm going to say that Hello Zombie Your Face is the shit! Alright that's all, love you Ummm...

Chapter 5

Simon POV

"Of all the things you could come to my room in the middle of the night for, you come for that." Isabel sat at the edge of her mahogany bed, her long tan legs dangling. Simon stood in the center of her room looking at all the pictures. Trying to ignore the blind temptation to go sit by her. He had promised himself before leaving his house that he wasn't coming to blow off steam and do all sorts of things that he'd never done with Clary and do them with Isabel. No, Simon was on a mission to win his friend back from the self-righteous asshole who called himself Jace.

"I need you to keep Jace away from her."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Isabel asked while examining her already perfect nails.

"I don't care how, just do it. Make it happen."

"But why? There's nothing going on between them, that's nasty and disgusting." She looked at him then like he had ten heads. "Look, I know you have this... idea that something might be happening and I thought you were over her."

"I am." I lied, "I want what's best for her. And it's not him."

"Not even as a brother?"

"No."

Isabelle POV

God, what an idiot! Stupid Simon! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! It's so obvious that I want him. And all he can think about is that bitch who is steering Jace in the completely wrong fucking direction.

"My names Simon and I love Clary. She's so perfect." I picked up the purple studded phone from my bedside table, I dial the familiar number tell Jace to get his butt back home for some important news and after much arguing he agrees.

Once I hang up I quickly pick it up again and dial my best friend Um, she'd know what to do.

Once I finish telling her the story she immediately has something to say about Simon's idiotness.

Don't want to be an American idiot.  
Don't want a nation under the new media  
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?  
The subliminal mind fuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.  
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.  
Now everybody do the propaganda.  
And sing along to the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue.

Don't want to be an American idiot.  
One nation controlled by the media.  
Information age of hysteria.  
It's calling out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.  
All across the alien nation.  
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.  
Television dreams of tomorrow.  
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.  
For that's enough to argue.

Haha, gotta love Um.

Jace POV

"You mean you really have nothing important to tell me?" Isabelle nodded her head no while humming the tune to American Idiot by Greenday. "I walked this whole way from Clary's house in the middle of the night." She suddenly stopped humming.

"You were sleeping with Clary?" …Oh shit... Instantly I backtracked.

"No I fell asleep on her couch while watching a movie." What?

"_You, _fell asleep while watching a movie? Huh."

"Yea and I'm really tired so I'm going to go shower and sleep and stuff."

I stared at myself in the mirror, my face was pale and my eyes were dim. I really was tired, I hadn't slept well since returning from Renwicks. I turned on the water in the shower and plugged in my iPod to listen to a song I couldn't get out of my head the whole way home. It made me think of Clary... Oh God I'm screwed.

Everyday is a new day  
I'm thankful for every breath I take  
I won't take it for granted (I won't take it for granted)  
So I learn from my mistakes  
It's beyond my control, sometimes it's best to let go  
Whatever happens in this lifetime  
So I trust in love (So I trust in love)  
You have given me peace of mind

Chorus:  
I, I feel so alive for the very first time  
I can't deny you  
I feel so alive  
I, I feel so alive for the very first time  
And I think I can fly

Sunshine upon my face (Sunshine upon my face)  
A new song for me to sing  
Tell the world how I feel inside (tell the world how I feel inside)  
Even though it might cost me everything  
And now that I know that it's beyond my control  
It's like I can never turn my back away  
And now that I've seen you (and now that I see you)  
I can never look away

Chorus:  
I, I feel so alive for the very first time  
I can't deny you  
I feel so alive  
I, I feel so alive for the very first time  
And I think I can fly

Bridge:  
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)  
Now that I see you (I could never look away)  
Now that I know you (I could never turn my back away)  
Now that I see you (I believe no matter what they say)

I-I feel so alive (feel so alive)  
for the very first time (for the very first time)  
for the very first time, and I think I can fly.  
I-I feel so alive (feel so alive)  
for the very first time and I think I can fly,  
and I think I can fly, and I think I can fly.

Immediately after that it shuffled to the next song and I couldn't help but dance in the shower.

{Get ready for action}

I got no regret right now  
(I'm feeling this)  
The air is so cold and null  
(I'm feeling this)  
Let me go in her room  
(I'm feeling this)  
I wanna take off her clothes  
(I'm feeling this)

Show me the way to bed  
(I'm feeling this)  
Show me the way you move  
(I'm feeling this)  
Fuck it, it's such a blur  
(I'm feeling this)  
I love all the things you do  
(I'm feeling this)

Fate fell short this time  
Smile fades in the summer  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna

Where do we go from here?  
Turn all the lights down now  
Smiling from ear to ear  
(I'm feeling this)  
Our breathing has got too loud  
(I'm feeling this)

Show me the bedroom floor  
(I'm feeling this)  
Show me the bathroom mirror  
(I'm feeling this)  
We're taking this way too slow  
(I'm feeling this)  
Take me away from here  
(I'm feeling this)

Fate fell short this time  
Smile fades in the summer  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna

Fate fell short this time  
Smile fades in the summer  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna

This place was never the same again  
After you came and went  
How can you say you meant anything different  
To anyone standing alone  
On the street with a cigarette  
On the first night we met

Look to the past  
And remember and smile  
And maybe tonight  
I can breathe for awhile

I'm not in the scene  
I think I'm fallin' asleep  
But then all that it means is  
I'll always be dreaming of you

Fate fell short this time  
Smile fades in the summer  
Place your hand in mine  
I'll leave when I wanna 

Then again another one, it was like it on Clary's Playlist... not that I have one.

(I miss you, miss you)  
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare  
The shadow in the background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley  
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want  
Where you can always find me  
We'll have Halloween on Christmas  
And in the night we'll wish this never ends  
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)  
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time  
And as I stared I counted  
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

(I miss you, I miss you)

We can live like Jack and Sally. Yea I wish. 


	6. Don't speak, everything just died

I don't own the songs, the characters or the Transformers.

Clary POV

You and me  
We used to be together  
Everyday together always  
I really feel  
That I'm losing my best friend  
I can't believe  
This could be the end  
It looks as though you're letting go  
And if it's real  
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories  
Well, they can be inviting  
But some are altogether  
Mighty frightening  
As we die, both you and I  
With my head in my hands  
I sit and cry

Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending  
I gotta stop pretending who we are...  
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak  
I know just what you're saying  
So please stop explaining  
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)  
Don't speak  
I know what you're thinking  
I don't need your reasons  
Don't tell me cause it hurts  
Don't tell me cause it hurts!  
I know what you're saying  
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,  
don't speak,  
don't speak,  
oh I know what you're thinking  
And I don't need your reasons  
I know you're good,  
I know you're good,  
I know you're real good  
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la  
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'  
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush  
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts  
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'  
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

I thought of Simon as I sang the song. Was it true that our relationship was falling apart just so me and Jace's could develop?

I was grateful for the knock on my door. I could think about something else now. I walked out of the bathroom to answer it, shutting the white curtains over the window on the way. Speak of the devil... Jace.

"Hey." he was smiling like a little kid.

"I got something for you." He pulled out a thin Christmas wrapped gift.

"Christmas wrapping paper?" I asked him and he laughed quietly. It was something you were lucky to hear. Jace didn't often smile without sarcasm.

"Every other paper they had was gay. Like pink. I know you don't like pink. I was going to get you the Transformers one, because I mean who doesn't like them, but this kid was giving me this horrible look 'cause I took the last one. So I gave it to him." he grimaced. "I think he was gonna cry."

"A little kid?" he nodded his head.

"Next time I'll get the Transformers one. I would've kicked that son-of-a-bitches ass, but his mom was there and I felt like hitting him would've been unfair and crossing the line."

"Well, I like the little fat Santa's." I smiled.

"They are fat aren't they." I laughed and he gestured for me to open it.

Once the wrapping paper was not neatly decorating my floor, I smiled down to the gift in my hand. It was one of the newer more expensive sketch pads. And on the first page was a drawing of the sunset off the East River, done in oil pastels. It was beautiful. "Alec said you couldn't draw a straight line." he chuckled and sat down on the foot of the bed next to me. I could smell the mint shampoo he used, he was so close to me. The tips of his shoulder were touching mine, the ends of his golden hair was brushing mine. I was self conscious of my diary sitting on my bedside table would he think it had stuff about Simon in it? It did. Of course Jace probably didn't care.

"I can't. I suppose I could take credit for that portrait, but it's not mine. I saw an artist and I thought it would be perfect. So I asked if he would draw something for me and he agreed."

"Thank you. Why did you do this?" I asked. Jace gave me a funny look.

"I did it for you. I remembered you saying that you needed to buy a new sketchpad because you were running out of sheets so I thought I'd buy you a new one."

"Thank you." I said again. Jace looked to the door.

"Well I'm going to go shower. We fought demons this morning in the sewer and I reek of ichor and dead rodents." I hugged him for a while saying thank you over and over again. When he left his face was unreadable, his eyes cast down.

Once Jace was out of sight, I opened the pad to a new sheet and got out my good drawing utensils. I began to sketch a picture of a glorious angel looking out over an even more beautiful river. While I drew this I began to cry.

Jace POV

I stared into the mirror and thought back to what Clary had said. She'd asked why I'd done it for her, I had thought it was obvious why I had done it. Everything I do, I do it for her. All I want is to rock her soul.

Look into my eyes – you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart – search your soul

and when you find me there you'll

search no more

Don't tell me its not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me its not worth dyin' for

You know its true

Everything I do – I do it for you

Look into your heart – you will find

There's nothing there to hide

Take me as I am – take my life

I would give it all – I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for

I can't help it – there's nothin' I want more

Ya know its true

Everything I do – I do it for you

There's no love – like your love

And no other – could give more love

There's nowhere – unless you're there

All the time – all the way

Look into your heart

Oh – you can't tell me its not worth tryin' for

I can't help it – there's nothin' I want more

I would fight for you – i'd lie for you

Walk the wire for you – ya i'd die for you

Ya know its true

Everything I do – I do it for you

Everything I do

I will see it though – I will see it through

Look into your heart

You can't tell me you won't die for

I'll be there

I will fight for you – I will die for you

I'll go all the way – all the way for you

I thought back to the hug and the way it felt. Clary was like a protective shell, but I shouldn't need protection from my own feelings. I should be protecting her.

I just died in your arms tonight

Must've been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

I keep on looking for something I can't get

Broken hearts lay all around me

But I don't see an easier way to get out of this

Her diary sits by the bedside table

The curtains closed

the cats in the cradle

But who would have thought a boy like me

could come to this

Ohhh

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

Ohh

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been some kind of kiss

I should have walked away

I should have walked away

Is there any just cause for feeling like this?

On the surface, I'm just a name on a list

I try to be discrete but you blow it again

I'm lost and found this is my final mistake

She's loving my proxy no giving, all take

Resigned to fill her fantasy one of so many times

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

Ohh

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been some kind of kiss

I should have walked away

I should have walked away

I began to think of the dream I had, the one that made me get up and buy a gift for Clary at 2 in the morning. I was in Alicante in a room tucked away in a big house. A girl, she was with me. A girl who wasn't Clary. Her eyes seemed familiar, but I had been unable to give her a name.  
It was later today that I'd come across a photo sent to the Lightwoods in a Christmas card. Aline that was her name. I thought of that dream and how it had the sense of soon to be deja vu.

It was a long hot night, she made it easy

She made it feel right, and now its over

The moment is gone

I followed my hands not my head

I knew I was wrong

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

Ohh

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been some kind of kiss

I should have walked away

I should have walked away


	7. I hate if i had you i

Magnus POV

Magnus stood in front of the mirror and looked at the freshly applied thin line of glitter eyeliner on his eyelids. He had been listening to music all morning while getting ready. This was not a regular occurrence, music of this century was so drag.

However one song particular always made him think of Alec. Mr. Lightwood had looked more sturdy today when he left the Bane apartment. He left with no trepidation, only confidence. Magnus had wondered what had changed over night. He knew Alexanders parents knew nothing of there relationship, and it had bothered him, he knew it. But at the same time Magnus knew, Alec wasn't ready to come out, and Magnus would wait.

The song that reminded him Alexander played out the speakers and he reached over to turn it up as he did his hair.

So I got my boots on,  
Got the right amount of leather  
And I'm doing me up with a black coloured liner  
And I'm working my strut but I know it don't matter  
All we need in this world is some love

There's a thin line between the dark side,  
And the light side, baby tonight  
It's a struggle gotta rumble, tryin'a find it

_[Chorus:]_  
But if I had you,  
That would be the only thing I'd ever need  
Yeah if I had you,  
Then money, fame and fortune never could compete  
If I had you,  
Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy  
Yeah, if I had you  
You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you  
If I had you

From New York to LA getting high rock and rolling  
Get a room trash it up 'til it's ten in the morning  
Girls in stripper heels, boys rolling in Maserati's  
What they need in this world is some love  
There's a thin line between the wild time,  
And a flat-line, baby tonight  
It's a struggle gotta rumble, tryin'a find it

_[Chorus:]_  
But if I had you,  
That would be the only thing I'd ever need  
Yeah if I had you,  
Then money, fame and fortune never could compete  
If I had you,  
Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy  
Yeah, if I had you  
You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you  
If I had-

The flashing of the lights  
It might feel so good  
But I got you stuck on my mind, yeah  
The flashing and the stage, it might get me high  
But it don't mean a thing tonight

That would be the only thing I'd ever need  
Yeah if I had you,  
Then money, fame and fortune never could compete  
If I had you,  
Life would be a party it'd be ecstasy  
Yeah if I had you  
You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you  
If I had you

That would be the only thing I'd ever need  
Yeah if I had you,  
Then money, fame and fortune never could compete  
(Never could compete with you)  
If I had you, life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy  
(It'd be ecstasy with you)  
Yeah if I had you  
You y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you  
If I had you. 

"Oh, Alec." He set the comb down on the counter and pulled out the iPod from the iHome. While he agreed with res of society that the portable plug in was 'cute', he liked it much better being drowned in the music.

Jace POV

He slammed the door to the shower shut and wrapped the white towel around his tan waist. When he caught his eye in the mirror he felt like he was looking at a stranger. Jace had, had the same nightmare all night, always about the same person. He wondered when it would stop.

His friends tried to tell him he was nothing like Valentine, but he couldn't bring himself to believe him. Except when he really thought about it. His father had lied to him, made his ten year old son believe he was dead, then left him all alone.

Jace would never have done that to his own son, if he ever got lucky enough to have one. _What makes you a father?_ he thought to himself. Is it unconditional love? Or pretending your dead, then coming back?

He thought about the movie Fight Club and what one of the characters had said "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Jace wondered when he would finally lose everything?

He only knew two things for certain, one of them was that he absolutely _wanted _to hate Valentine.

Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake  
By every sigh and scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?

Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?

Only when I stop to think about you,  
I know  
Only when you stop to think about me,  
do you know?

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me?

I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you? 

Jace didn't feel like the release was enough. And it wasn't.

"Fuck!" he yelled. Was he really everything like his father, like so many wanted to believe? Wanted to say about him?

I could be mean  
I could be angry  
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake  
I could be stupid  
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you  
You thought you were there to guide me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be cold  
I could be ruthless  
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak  
I could be senseless  
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were standing beside me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you  
You thought you were there to guide me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

On my own, cause I can't take living with you  
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like you  
Want me to

You thought you were standing beside me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you  
You thought you were there to guide me  
You were only in my way  
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean  
I could be angry  
You know I could be just like you 

Jace bent over and coughed. His breathing was labored and rough, he could feel it escaping his mouth. He wanted to pull it all back in just quickly. He moved the small trashcan next to the toilet to him and heaved.

Am I really just like him?


	8. Faithful Space

A/N For this chapter to work and you to get the most out of it, you really have to listen to the songs and read the lyrics at the same time.

Playlist:

Something Corporate – Space

Sarah Buxton – Space

Glee Cover (Original – Journey) – Faithfully

Simon POV

I hesitated for the third time already. My hand balled into a fist at my side, the other clutched the cordless phone. This was the moment I dreaded all my life. In my heart and mind it was worse than breaking up, because at least you knew one day you'd be able to mend it, hopefully. I didn't have hope this time that me or Clary would fix it.

Not because neither of us wanted to, but because it was far too late to fix anything.

Picking up courage I dialed the familiar, the one I hoped I could one day forget but knew I wouldn't. The ringing stopped shortly.

"Simon?" She sounded breathless and Simon had to stop his mind from traveling to dirty places.

"What are you doing?"

"I was trying my hand at painting." Simon could just imagine what she were dressed in, loose sweat pants that hung low on her hips and a tank top. Her hair up in a messy bun and a wet paint brush in her hand.

Intrusion. That's what he was doing. He was intruding into her life where he no longer had a home. Home wasn't meant for that.

"Simon, are you there?" He sighed and she gave a nervous laugh. "I'll hang up if you don't say something." He knew she wasn't entirely comfortable joking with him anymore, this was the first time they'd talked since he'd asked her to leave.

Now he was telling.

"Home, is this the quiet place where you should be alone?  
Is this where the tortured and the troubled find their own?  
I don't know, but I can tell this isn't you, your cover's blown  
Oh no, don't you dare hang up this phone"

"Simon what are you talking about?" Simon ignored her and continued.

"Hey, give me space so I can breathe  
Give me space so I can sleep  
Give me space so you can drown in this with me

In this place  
A lonely escapade in outer space  
There's no antidote for irony you say  
that you have, when you know that you don't  
and you say, that you can, when you know that you won't"

"Simon stop! This is stupid. If you wanted space that's all you had to say."

"Hey, give me space so I can breathe  
Give me space so I can sleep  
Give me space so you can drown in this with me  
Hey, give me space but I can't breathe  
Give me space but I can't sleep  
Give me just one inch I swear that's all I'll need 

Oh

These padded walls and TV screens  
Sometimes they make me want to scream

Ah

Hey, give me space so I can breathe  
Give me space so I can sleep  
Give me space so you can drown in this with me  
Hey, give me space but I can't breathe  
Give me space but I can't sleep  
Give me just one inch I swear that's all I'll need"

Clary was silent on the other end of the line, but he knew she was still there.

"All I want is a little space. Don't call, don't text and don't worry. Space. I just want space."

Clary POV

"You say you want space" Clary set down the phone and bent down to pick up the paint brush she'd let slip from her hand. She gathered the supplies she knew she would need to get the bright red paint out of the carpet. She did it all in a daze. And as she sat on her knees scrubbing she thought.

"A little time on your own  
To clear out your mind  
Really unwind, and just be alone

Things are moving too fast, going too far  
Getting too close, too close to the heart

And now you want space  
Well I'll give you space  
Plenty of space, all the space that you need

Does it make you feel free, make you feel young?  
How does it feel not to need anyone?  
You say you want space  
Well I'll give you space

You need your own bed  
You need your own room  
Well how 'bout an island?  
I bet you could find one  
On the dark side of the moon

Then you won't have to deal with anything real  
Cause I won't be here, I'll just disappear

And you can have space  
Honey, I'll give you space  
Plenty of space, all the space that you need

Does it make you feel free, make you feel young?  
How does it feel not to need anyone?  
Oh, you say you want space  
Baby, you can have space  
I'll give you"

Space.

She fell to the side and let go of the wet rag, the red bleeding across the white fabric like blood from an open wound.

Jace POV

Jace's cool fingers padded softly across the keys on the grand piano. The tune was familiar to him, he'd learned the song of his own accord. He'd been practicing a while, it was duet, but originally it hadn't been. Just like how everyone at one point in time, was alone.

"Highway run into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind"

Clary POV

She pulled trench coat around her tiny frame tighter. It was late and most people in NY were clubbing, but not her.

"Restless hearts sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love along the wire"

Jace and Clary POV

"They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line it's been you and me  
And loving a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be"

Clary POV

Clary knew that it wasn't safe walking alone at night, but she didn't really want to be with anyone right now.

"Oh Boy  
You stand by me"

Jace and Clary POV

"I'm forever yours  
Faithfully"

Jace's finger paused for a moment, he took a deep breath then started up again.

Clary POV

"Circus life under the big top world  
We all need the clowns to make us smile  
Through space and time  
Always another show"

She cut across a street.

Jace POV

"Wondering where I am lost without you  
And being a part ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you

Oh girl

you stand by me"

Clary and Jace POV

Without realizing where it was taking her, Clary found herself standing on the steps to the institute.

"I'm forever yours  
Faithfully  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Faithfully  
I'm still yours  
I'm forever yours  
Ever yours  
Faithfully"

Jace POV

Jace pulled his hands back and let them fall in his lap. He sat quietly for seconds and then looked behind him as he heard the sound of the elevator rising.


	9. in the end ur numb with broken dreams

Playlist

No Curtain Call : Maroon 5

Boulevard of Broken Dreams : Green Day

Numb : Linkin Park

In The End : Linkin Park

Alec POV

"I need someone Alec." Was all the Magnus could say to defend himself. Maybe it was because he didn't really want to. The low self-esteemed Alec was coming out again. He'd always known there must have been more with Magnus. How many girl, or guys!, had Magnus told he loved? How many? "Why choose now to get angry at me with other people. I'm not with them now."

"I didn't realize there were so many." Alec paced the apartment. He thought to himself all the secrets he held. Clary and Isabelle knew his sexual preference, he made a face at the title of his affections. But his parents, his young brother and Jace, they didn't know. Magnus took a step toward him, but Alec already had his hand on the door knob, twisting it so it opened. "I should go." He shut the door behind him and looked out into the coming on night. The sun had started its descent a couple of minutes ago and it was already almost gone. How quickly things could go black.

He stepped onto the sidewalk and began to take the journey home. Of course nothing was ever dark in Brooklyn, with all the lights, and of course he did not want to go home. He stopped in the middle and a few passerby's cursed at him for upsetting the flow, but he didn't care.

He looked to his right and saw a dark alley, he didn't know where it headed, but he turned down it anyway.

"You say you need someone  
But everybody does  
I'm no different than you  
I just believe what I do  
You point your finger at  
Everyone but yourself  
And blame the ones that you love  
Who're only tryin' to help

As it's winding down to zero  
I am yours like a hero  
I'll see this through  
There's so much me and you  
Take this enemy together  
Fight these demons off forever  
Forever forever forever

5, 4, 3, 2, 1  
I won't stop until it's done  
No curtain call, I will not fall  
This may be the one we've been waiting for  
No curtain call, just take it all

I have no time for fear  
Or people in my ear  
Head down and running so fast  
Try not to dwell on the past  
I'm fighting through this pain  
And things I cannot change  
Running right into the flame  
Rather than running away 

As it's winding down to zero  
I am yours like a hero  
I'll see this through  
There's so much me and you  
Take this enemy together  
Fight these demons off forever  
Forever forever forever

5, 4, 3, 2, 1  
I won't stop until it's done  
No curtain call, I will not fall  
This may be the one we've been waiting for  
No curtain call, just take it all

Sweat drips down from every angle  
Love your body as it gathers in a pool by your feet  
You turn up the heat  
Tossin' and turnin', you cannot sleep  
Quietly weep, your in too deep

5, 4, 3, 2, 1  
I won't stop until it's done  
No curtain call, I will not fall  
This may be the one we've been waiting for  
No curtain call, just take it all"

Alec stopped dead center in the alley. A girl with a mess of brown hair leaned back against a door that must have led into a back room of one of the stores along the strip. She had one leg bent back with her foot resting on the door, her other one keeping her steady, it was placed strategically on the ground. She was dressed all in black leather, like the Shadowhunters, but Alec didn't recognize her. It was too dark to see anything about her. He knew her hair was brown because the single dim light in the alley rested just above her head. She was just standing there like she was waiting for something.

"Miss Gray?" The girl looked at him sharply, but he hadn't been the one to speak. He looked over his shoulder and saw Magnus, his hands in his pockets a grave look on his face, like he was going to be sick. When he looked back at the girl, she was gone.

Simon POV

Simon had been standing solo on the deck for a couple hours now. Just watching, watching and waiting. He'd woken up in a cold sweat, who knew vampires could sweat, and felt like something big was about to happen. Something that would change everything. Something... wrong.

He'd come to the dock because this was where his feet had taken him, but he didn't know. For the better part of the first hour that he'd stood here, he thought of Clary and how he'd hurt her, and how it had hurt him.

Then he thought of Jace, and how he hated him. Jace, the guy who had taken Clary from him. But had he really, taken Clary from him. Could Simon really blame the both of them, was it right? No, and he knew it wasn't right. He knew it wasn't right when he told her to leave while she cried and he knew it wasn't right to call and tell her he wanted space. Simon knew you couldn't help who you fell in love with. There's was a tricky situation. From the moment Simon had met Jace he'd noticed him, him and his way with Clary. Jace had begun to think of Clary, that way, before he knew his real relation to her.

Thinking of Jace made him think of Isabelle, and her long black hair. Those blue eyes that wanted to break you into glass pieces so that she could stomp on you and cut you down some more. Simon couldn't explain his attraction to her, she turned him into a rat for f's sake. It wasn't like how he felt about Clary, but it was there.

Maia. The name came to is brain with no evident source, he looked around and then down into the murky water. She was a werewolf, he knew that. And she knew what he was.

The water was otherwise UN-occupied, save for a dark ship to the right. He wondered who owned the ship and why they chose tonight of all times to go out on a trip. He put his hands in his pockets and turned to walk himself home.

"I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines  
What's fucked up when everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone  
I walk a...

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone..."

Simon looked around him again, he felt like someone was watching him. He walked silently until he reached his apartment. His mother said something but he muttered an excuse and shut his bedroom door behind him. He dropped his heavy weighted body onto the bed and held his cell phone in his hand. He looked at it for a moment then chucked it across the room and shut his eyes.

Jace POV

Valentine Morgenstern was a regal looking man. He'd been strong and independent when Jace had lived with him, and he very much doubted much had changed. His father stood across from him.

"You know what it is that I want Jonathan. It's simply a matter of you giving it to me." Jace held the Morgenstern ring in his palm and he moved it around. Valentine had a set way of living, and he'd nearly succeeded in making Jace the same way. "Well, say something Jonathan. I do not have time to waste."

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me,  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?  
'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you.  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know  
I may end up failing too.  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired, so much more aware.  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)"

Jace shoved the ring into his pocket and closed his eyes tight. Maybe if he shut them hard enough, the mirage of his father would leave. When he opened them again he was alone. In the park where he'd been before he'd fallen asleep on the ground.

Without thinking he pulled himself up quickly and looked around him. His Shadowhunter senses kicked in and placed a hand over the hilt of his blade that stuck out from its sheath at his side. Jace was being watched. Valentine? It was possible, he had just been dreaming about him. While it was a regular occurrence to have nightmares of his father, this one had seemed more real. Something big was about to happen.

"If you're going to kill me I suggest you do it now. There isn't much time I'm going to waste on you before I come to find you. And I will." A black crown hopped out of the brush. He dropped his hand and chuckled quietly to himself. Chill Wayland.

Jace thought about his father and laughed for a second time to himself.

"(It starts with one)  
One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time  
All I know  
time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
It's so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window  
Trying to hold on but didn't even know  
Wasted it all just to  
Watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme  
To remind myself how  
I tried so hard  
In spite of the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so (far)  
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me  
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
For all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter"

In the end, nothing that happened in this time period will ever matter again.


	10. bang, bang! it's harder to breathe

Playlist:

Harder to Breathe : Maroon 5

Bang Bang : Cher

Jace POV

Maryse Lightwood looked at Jace with an icy stare. Her blue crystal eyes made him want to cringe, but he would never let her see that.

"Is there a place you can stay?" Jace shrugged.

"I'm sure I'll find a place." He stood up from the chair and Maryse looked like she was going to say something but he left anyway. He bounded down the front steps leading into the Institute. He pulled the black hood over his blonde hair and started to stride down the sidewalk.

"How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable  
So condescending unnecessarily critical  
I have the tendency of getting very physical  
So watch your step 'cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here  
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear  
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone  
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head  
You should know better you never listened to a word I said  
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat  
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill  
Does it burn  
Is it painful to learn  
That it's me that has all the control  
Does it thrill  
Does it sting  
When you feel what I bring  
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe."

Jace's face was tight in a grimace. He didn't care what people thought of him anymore. He'd come home to an angry Maryse. She'd treated him different for a while, but now she was treating him wrong. Since news had flown to Maryse that he was not Micheal Waylands son, she'd treated him like a disease rather than the boy she raised for seven years.

Anger flooded him. He hadn't done anything wrong. He could have gone with Valentine to Idris, where he so badly wanted to go, but he hadn't. He couldn't take full credit for the decision, it was Clary who made up his mind, but his heart had also screamed no.

Valentine hadn't been his father long enough to shape him, but some part of Jace would always wonder if maybe, he had.

He stopped suddenly at the sharp scent that flooded from a building on his right. The Hunters Moon. Jace smiled to himself and slipped inside. Alcohol therapy, just what he needed. 

Clary POV

Clary sat on the steps to Simon's home. It would be dark soon and he would have to come out sometime. She wondered what he would say to her when hid did come out, or what she would say. "Get out bitch!" or in her case "I know what I did wrong. I'm sorry I treated you wrong, Simon."

She knew they were all possibilities. And she believed he had the right. She knew how he felt and yet she still cried to him when it was Jace who hurt her. What kind of person was she.

A sound behind made her stand up quickly and look the door.

"Clary, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?" It was Simon's mother.

"Yes Ms. Lewis, everything's fine. Is Simon home." She looked behind her and Clary could hear the faint sound of Simon's music coming down the hall. Ms. Lewis was always yelling at him to turn it down.

"No." She said hastily and looked down. Clary nodded and made her way down the steps as she shut the door. Shot down by her best friends mother. Great.

"Bang bang you shot me down  
Bang bang I hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang my baby shot me down

I was five and you were six  
We rode on horses made of sticks I wore black you wore white  
You would always win the fight

Bang bang you shot me down  
Bang bang I hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang my baby shot me down

Seasons came and changed the time  
I grew up I called you mine  
You would always laugh and say  
Remember when we used to play

Bang bang you shot me down  
Bang bang I hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang my baby shot me down

Music played and people sang  
Just for me the church bells rang  
After echoes from a gun  
We both vowed that we'd be one

Now you're gone I don't know why  
Sometimes I cry  
You didn't say goodbye  
You didn't take the time to lie

Bang bang you shot me down  
Bang bang I hit the ground  
Bang bang that awful sound  
Bang bang my baby shot me down."


	11. Word to your mother!

Playlist:

Come Back To Me : David Cook

Who's Crying Now : Journey

Who Knew : Pink

Innocent : Our Lady Peace

Under Pressure : Queen

Magnus POV

Alec stood ten feet away from me, keeping as much distance from me as the small corridor leading to the front door would let him.

"I can't tell you who Miss Gray is or how I know her. I just... can't" Alec turned without another word and opened the door. He was halfway through when he finally looked Magnus in the eye.

"How can I trust you when you won't let me?" He paused for a moment and took a breath. "I think we should take a break, find ourselves, you know." I lifted my hand to stop him, but without giving me the chance to speak he shut the door.

I don't know how long I stood there staring at my door, hoping he would come back, thinking that he always came back. But finally I headed into my living room and sat on the couch. Chairman Meow jumped and nuzzled its soft head into chest, I pushed her off gently. It meowed harshly then stocked off. Magnus didn't have time to deal with temperamental cats right now.

He'd just lost his Alexander. And maybe it would be a small break, or maybe it would be a break that never ended. A break that allowed the both of them to move on with their lives and find other people. Alec seemed to be convinced that that was all Magnus ever wanted to do, see other people. Magnus knew as he though it that if Alec chose to take a while Magnus would please him and abide, he loved him. And that is what you do for people you love right? You let them go even though it hurts you? After all if Jace could do it, then so could he.

His jealousy had gotten the best of him. Miss Gray wasn't anyone that Magnus thought was a hazard to their relationship, he supposed though, that it depended on how you looked at it. He knew what Alec would see in Miss Gray. A pretty girl with nothing left to loose, needing Magnus' help, even though he'd lived the moment time and time again and it never ended the way anyone had wanted it to.

Magnus stood himself up deciding the best way to not think about it was to busy himself. He chose to clean his apartment, seeing as how it was in desperate need of dusting and some Windex. He pulled the tiny metallic square box off of a nearby shelf and stuck the headphones into his ear.

"You say you gotta go and find yourself  
You say that you're becoming someone else  
Don't recognize the face in the mirror  
Looking back at you

You say you're leaving  
As you look away  
I know there's really nothing left to say  
Just know I'm here  
Whenever you need me  
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere  
Picture you with the wind in your hair  
I'll keep your things right where you left them  
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here waiting to see  
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there  
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bear  
I can't fix you i can't save you  
Its something you have to do

So I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me  
Come back to me  
So I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here waiting to see  
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me  
When you find you come back to me  
When you find you come back to me"

I listened to a few more songs then decided that if I scrubbed my makeshift home anymore I would eventually scrubbed it all away. And that is exactly what he hoped not to do.

Alec POV

Alec tossed the magazine over onto the bed. Mundane magazines were such a waste of time. From where he was sitting he could see every empty corner of his room. Now, his room wasn't as plain as Jace's, it did look like he lived in it. Clothes was in a neat pile in the corner, thanks to his mother, books piled on a desk that held a few of his weapons, some photos tacked up on his wall, courtesy of Isabelle, they were all mostly of her and if not they had her in them.

Alec tried not to think about Magnus, but when he found his mind wandering for too long he did. Hence the boring magazines covered with from to back celebrity gossip that was worthlessly not true. Alec thought he had a made a perfect point, at the time. Now he couldn't be sure where it had come from. Magnus could have left a long time ago, but he hadn't. He hadn't. He thought about him and Magnus had been doing before the argument came up, he smiled and then let it slip. What would his parents think? What would Jace think? Or worse... Did they already know? Clary had been able to see Isabelle had seen it, Jace coul-. No. He stopped his thoughts mid-sentence and chose not to think about it. One day he would tell them, but not know.

He stood up from the chair and walked over to the tall lamp in the corner, he switched it off and fumbled to the bed. Once he was settled in he shut his eyes and prayed for a dreamless sleep. No one is ever that lucky.

_Hard pavement rested beneath Alexander Lightwoods' white cheek. He opened his eyes to see distress and mayhem lining the streets of New York City. First he noticed a couple things as he stood himself up from the ground. No people, was one. Complete silence was another. And a thick layer of ash concealing away the remaining burning buildings was the worst. He choked on the smoke. His hands and arms were covered in black ash, he knew without looking that his hair wasn't black but a sickening gray._

_He started to walk, but the thick smog in the air made it next to impossible to see where he was walking. He looked down at the sound his feet made when they stepped on and crushed the broken glass along the street. The sound it made was an invasion in the quiet empty world he was in. As he passed buildings Alec would look through the holes in the glass windows, but still nothing. He was alone. Completely and utterly alone._

_The sound of footsteps behind him made him turn. A police force equipped with shields and batons rushed forward in a perfect block. They passed him with record speed, he watched as they trotted across the road to a destination he couldn't see. Soon they disappeared into the gray._

"This is all your fault Mr. Lightwood." _His head whipped back to the way the force had come from. Magnus stood not far from him. Dressed in a black tweed suit with a black dress shirt. The only thing missing from his usual fabric diet was glitter. His hair was parted down the middle and slicked down. _"Everything you see before you, the smoke and fire," Alec looked up at the building and barely visible sky Magnus had pointed at, his eyes stung, "the emptiness, the death."

"Death?" _Alec's voice surprised him. His voice was usually steady, strong if only a little insecure. But now it was choppy and lacking confidence, like some part of him knew he had caused this. _"There is no death." _Magnus smiled wickedly._

"Oh?"_ He pointed off to the side of Alec and he followed his hand until it rested on a bundle of cloth. Alec took the necessary steps to the bundle. His fingers gripped the wool blanket and slowly he pulled back, to reveal bodies. Their eyes a vacant glossy stare. He dropped the blanket quickly and looked down the street. In the seconds that he had turned his back, dozens of piles just like this one were scattered along the sidewalks._

"This... no." _Magnus stared at him, his face grave. A choking and desperate tear slid down Alec's cheek, taking the dirt and black ash with it._

_Magnus's voice was like acid when he spoke. _"Who's crying now?"

Alec bolted up right, desperately pulling his sheets off his sweating body as he jumped out of the bed. His heart was racing as he panted. A sound was pushing its way through the haze in his brain left over from the dream. His alarm clock. He didn't remember setting it, because he hadn't. The clock flashed 2:59 and words were screaming out of it. He caught a piece of it as he stumbled around the bed to the table to shut it off.

"Two hearts born to run  
Who'll be the lonely one  
Wonder who's cryin' now"

He slammed his hand down on the off button and sat at the edge of the bed. He buried his head in his hands and tried unsuccessfully to quiet his breathing.

Clary POV

Clary dropped the pencil from her hand and let it slide to the grass. She had been staring at the same solitary tree for hours now. She was frustrated that she couldn't get it right. She continued to stare at it as her mind began to walk away from her again. The source of her inability to draw today was thoughts of Simon. He hadn't called, hadn't txted. And when Clary had gotten up the courage to call apartment, there was no answer. She knew he was ignoring her, but some part of her worried that something was wrong. She could feel it, something wasn't right.

Clary thought back to the night in Pandemonium. It was the last and most eventful time she'd been there. If she'd just payed more attention to Simon none of this would be happening.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head against them closing her eyes.

"You took my hand  
You showed me how  
You promised me you'd be around  
Uh huh  
That's right  
I took your words  
And I believed  
In everything  
You said to me  
Yeah huh  
That's right

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong  
I know better  
Cause you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools  
And so convinced and just too cool  
Oh no  
No no  
I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now  
'fore they're long gone  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong  
They knew better  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew

Yeah yeah  
I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again  
Until we  
Until we meet again  
And I won't forget you my friend  
What happened

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong and  
That last kiss  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes  
It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But I keep  
Your memory  
You visit me in my sleep  
My darling  
Who knew  
My darling  
My darling  
Who knew  
My darling  
I miss you  
My darling  
Who knew  
Who knew."

Clary let her knees drop as the tears slid steadily from her eyes.

"Clary?" She looked to the left her sobs stopping. There was no one there. She dropped her sketch book onto the ground as she stood up.

"Clary?" She spun around to see her mother standing behind her.

"Mom?" Jocelyn smiled and stuck her hand out for Clary to take. She took it and hugged Jocelyn tight, her tears coming faster now. "Oh mom, I don't know what to do anymore. I need your help." She let go. "Simon won't talk to me anymore, he told me to leave him alone. I think I'm in love with my brother. Mom, just come back, I need your help, I don't know what to do without you." Jocelyn said nothing as she dropped Clary's hand and bent down to pick up the sketch book and pencil Clary had left sitting in the grass.

She looked at the picture Clary had tried to draw.

"Honey, this looks like a water tower." Clary laughed silently.

"I know. I haven't really been able to draw lately." Some part of Clary knew that her mother was in a hospital, under the careful eye of trained doctors and Luke. But she didn't want to let this brief moment of insanity go. Jocelyns' green eyes looked at Clary.

"You mean you haven't been seeing the real picture." Jocelyn handed the book to Clary. She took it and cocked her head a little bit.

"What do you mean?" She pointed behind Clary and spoke.

"You see that tree?" Clary turned around to look at it. She could feel her mom come to stand behind her. The tree was large at the top, with tons of green fresh leaves and a thick strong trunk. The tree, like the one she'd been trying to sketch, stood alone. The only difference in the two was that this one stood strong. Clary had been trying to capture the beauty and slow death in the other one. Mother Nature at its finest, she thought.

"Yes?"

"One day  
You'll have to let it go,  
One day  
You'll stand up on your own

you'll stand up on your own."

Clary grimaced. "What does that have to do with the tree?" No answer, she turned to find that she was alone. Her mother was gone. She looked down at the sketch book, already turned to a blank page. She began to draw and thought about what her mother had said about standing up on her own. And she thought about it, drawing and drawing until finally it came to her. She smiled into the sketch pad as she watched the pencil slide across the paper.

Jace POV

"Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous  
Spends his time alone  
In the basement  
With Lennon and Cobain  
A guitar and a stereo  
While he wishes he  
Could escape this  
It all seems so contagious  
Not to be yourself and faceless  
In a song that has no soul

I remember feeling low  
I remember losing hope  
I remember all the feelings  
And the day they stopped  
We are,  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are, we are  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are

Oh, Tina's losing faith in what she knows  
Hates her music  
Hates all of her clothes  
Thinks of surgery  
And a new nose  
Every calorie is a war  
While she wishes she  
Was a dancer  
And that she'd never  
Heard of cancer  
She wishes God would give her  
Some answers  
And make her feel beautiful

I remember feeling low  
I remember losing hope  
I remember all the feelings  
And the day they stopped  
We are,  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are, we are  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are

One day  
You'll have to let it go,  
Oh  
One day  
You'll stand up on your own, you'll stand up on your own  
Yeah  
Remember losing hope,  
Remember feeling low,  
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

We are,  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are, we are,  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are

We are,  
We are all innocent  
(One day, you'll have to let it go, you'll have to let it go)  
We are all innocent  
We are, we are, we are,  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are

We are,  
We are all innocent  
(One day, you'll stand up on your own, stand up on your own)  
We are all innocent  
We are, we are, we are,  
We are all innocent, we are all innocent  
We are, we are

We are... we are all innocent..."

Jace strolled down main street passing people who stared after him like he was crazy. He was acting like he'd just moved to new york prepared to follow his dream of show business. He danced around like he was in a music video. He danced around and sang songs he'd only heard once in his life. People stopped and watched as he passed. Some yelled "Cool it!" others yelled "Fuck off!". But Jace was too busy thinking about his pressured life to give a fuck what they were saying and screaming at him. For a brief moment he appreciated those mundanes who bobbed their head or sang along. He even enjoyed the moments when people pulled out their hi-tech phones and said "I'm putting this up on YouTube.". Jace didn't know what a YouTube was, but he sure liked being seen. He wanted to be seen. He heard a sound coming out of a radio store and decided that he knew the song well enough to make it his next song.

He grabbed the shirt of one the guys filming and sang.

"Pressure pushing down on me  
Pressing down on you no man ask for "

He let him go and started to move down the side walk still singing away like today was the best day of his life. Even though it was just as bad as yesterday, which was the day Maryse had kicked him out.

"Under pressure that burns a building down  
Splits a family in two  
Puts people on streets

It's the terror of knowing  
What this world is about  
Watching some good friends  
Screaming let me out  
Tomorrow gets me higher  
Pressure on people - people on streets

Chippin' around, kick my brains around the floor  
These are the days, it never rains, but it pours  
People on streets - people on streets

It's the terror of knowing  
What this world is about  
Watching some good friends  
Screaming let me out  
Tomorrow gets me higher, higher, higher...  
Pressure on people - people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man  
Sat on a fence but it don't work  
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn  
Why, why, why?

Love  
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking  
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?  
Why can't we give love that one more chance?  
Why can't we give love, give love, give love..?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word  
and love dares you to care for  
The people on the edge of the night  
And love dares you to change our way of  
Caring about ourselves  
This is our last dance  
This is our last dance  
This is ourselves  
Under pressure  
Under pressure  
Pressure."

Jace didn't feel like he was done yet. He passed several people as he jammed out on the streets. A group of girls giggled and waved at him, he smiled haughtily and kept going, they giggled louder.

He could feel one more song left in him.

He stopped dead and more people cursed at him. He slapped his hands down on his pelvis bone.

"Yo, VIP, Let's kick it!"

He let his hands slip and more girls giggled as he pelvic thrusted and continued to pretend like he was happy.

"Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby  
All right stop, Collaborate and listen  
Ice is back with my brand new invention  
Something grabs a hold of me tightly  
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly  
Will it ever stop? Yo - I don't know  
Turn off the lights and I'll glow  
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal  
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.

Dance, Bum rush the speaker that booms  
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom  
Deadly, when I play a dope melody  
Anything less than the best is a felony  
Love it or leave it, You better gain way  
You better hit bull's eye, The kid don't play  
If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Now that the party is jumping  
With the bass kicked in, the Vegas are pumpin'  
Quick to the point, to the point no faking  
I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon  
Burning them if they're not quick and nimble  
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal  
And a hi hat with a souped up tempo  
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo  
Rollin' in my 5.0  
With my ragtop down so my hair can blow  
The girlies on standby, Waving just to say Hi  
Did you stop? No - I just drove by  
Kept on pursuing to the next stop  
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block  
That block was dead

Yo - so I continued to A1A Beachfront Ave.  
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis  
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis  
Jealous 'cause I'm out geting mine  
Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine  
Reading for the chumps on the wall  
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of "Eight Ball"  
Gunshots ranged out like a bell  
I grabbed my nine - All I heard were shells  
Falling on the concrete real fast  
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas  
Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed  
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack  
Police on the scene, You know what I mean  
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends  
If there was a problem, You, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet  
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it  
My town, that created all the bass sound  
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground  
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill  
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel  
Conducted and formed, This is a hell of a concept  
We make it hype and you want to step with this  
Shay plays on the fade, slice like a ninja  
Cut like a razor blade so fast, Other DJs say, "damn"  
If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram  
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose  
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice  
If there was a problem, Yo - I'll solve it!  
Check out the hook while Deshay revolves it.

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Yo man - Let's get out of here!"

He pointed to one of the guys who promptly took a thumb to a chest and mouthed "me?"

"Word to your mother!"

Ice Ice Baby Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold  
Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold."

When he was done Jace turned around looked a few of the cameras in the eye and bowed, he waved and walked off like nothing odd had just gone down.


	12. Eet alone is a straightjacket over love

*Haven't written in a while. I apologize, I've just finished Clockwork Prince, and now I feel I can carry on the story. Maybe shed some more light on why Tessa is there. Thank you for the reviews :D*

Playlist:

Eet : Regina Spektor

Do It Alone : Sugarcult

Straighjacket Feeling : The All American Rejects

Jamie All Over : Mayday Parade

This Love : Maroon 5

She hadn't been in the city long. But then again, Miss Gray had never been anywhere long, and she could always bounce from city to city, never feeling a thing. Not one solitary emotion. Just emptiness. Until she saw Magnus Bane, a young warlock from her past. The first familiar face she'd seen in a hundred years. And even then, the last familiar was a Mr. Ragner Fell. She hadn't felt too comfortable about that one.

Resisting the urge to close the distance between them would have been unbearable at least. But then again she felt nothing anymore. However, due to her lack, she could read the emotions off of others impressively. The boy, looking strangely and almost painfully like a lost loved one, was hurt and angry. Mr. Bane, ah Mr. Bane, was decidedly surprised to see her.

Why shouldn't he be?

Not one being in the clave, had heard of or from her in a very long time. It was rumored that her file had been dredged up recently, and she was on the brink of being pronounced dead, by the Consul himself.

She tried not to think about her past too much. But thinking words like Clave, Consul, Bane, blue eyes, silver, Fairchild, sent chills down her spine, making her feel an unbearable sadness she had promised herself she could no longer feel.

Her emotions had been lost somewhere along the way of her tragedy. She'd long ago dropped them on the ground and fled into the night. She wasn't even sure now that she could remember how to love. It was such a thing to forget. Like riding a book, one thought you could not forget that. But you could, if you truly wanted to, if you would rather feeling nothing at all rather than pain so sickening it almost made you mad.

"It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.  
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.  
It was so easy and the words so sweet.  
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

Bee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-  
Eet eet eet.  
Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-  
Eet eet eet.

You spend half of your life trying to fall behind.  
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind.  
It was so easy and the words so sweet.  
You can't remember; you try to move your feet.

Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-  
Eet eet eet.  
Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-  
Eet eet eet.

Someone's deciding whether or not to steal.  
He opens a window just to feel the chill.  
He hears that outside a small boy just started to cry  
'Cause it's his turn, but his brother won't let him try.

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.  
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.  
It was so easy and the words so sweet.  
You can't remember; you try to move your feet.  
It was so easy and the words so sweet.  
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat..."

Simon POV

Simon had already felt like an unwelcome person in the institute and he had only been there one other time before. Walking down the unfamiliar hall was already proving difficult. For some odd reason, even he couldn't explain to himself, the halls of the institute seemed as though they were closing in on him. He explained it away to lack of sleep, and therefore lack of oxygen to his brain.

He hadn't been sleeping well. He'd been dreaming of terrible, things like rats, vampire girl, and an old abandoned hotel. Seriously? Of all the things his sub conscience could come up with it on its own. An old abandoned hotel? Every movie geek knows by heart that's where it all goes down.

Finally he stopped at a door in the long hallway. He knocked once, hoping that this visit would prove beneficial for him, like he wanted.

The door opened. A black haired girl smiled at him.

"Hello  
Can I say that there's something wrong with this place?  
I got time just to waste if you would be my new escape  
So then I say "can't find a lover"  
Well there's no other way of pulling me under  
Cause it's gotta be fate if we're under the covers  
It's all gonna be a-ok, a-ok

I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin' you  
I don't want to do it, do it, do this all alone

We can dance in your bedroom with no romance  
I got time just to waste if you would be my new escape  
So then you say "there won't be another"  
But you give it away cause you want to discover  
That it's gotta be fate if we're under the covers  
It's all gonna be a-ok, a-ok

I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin' you  
I don't want to do it alone  
Tell you what  
I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin' you  
I don't want to do it, do it, do this all

1, 2, 3, 4  
4, 3, 2, 1

I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin' you  
I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin' you  
I'm beggin' you  
I'm beggin' you  
I'm beggin' you

I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin you  
I don't want to do it alone  
Tell you what  
I don't want to do it alone  
I'm beggin you  
I don't want to do it, do it, do this all alone."

23 minutes later

Simon stood up from the bed. Straightening his shirt, he walked into Isabelles bathroom and shut the door behind him. Hoping not to wake her. He looked into the mirror at the dark circles below his brown eyes, his skin a stark white against them.

He gripped the edge of the sink and tried not to think about the one soul who plagued his.

"Back me down from backing up  
Hold your breath now it's stacking up  
Etched with marks, but I can deal  
And you're the problem and you can't feel  
Try this on, straightjacket feeling  
so maybe I won't be alone  
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell but  
Today I'm fine without you  
Runaway this time without you  
And all I ever thought you'd be,  
That face is staring holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense  
With a list of others, you don't make sense  
Beg me time and time again  
to take you back now, but you can't win  
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell  
Today I'm fine without you  
Runaway this time without you  
And all I ever thought you'd be  
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I'm fine without you  
Runaway this time without you  
And all the things you put me through  
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away  
There'll be a better view from here  
And only lonesome you remains  
and just the thought of you I fear  
grip falls away

Yesterday was hell  
Today I'm fine without you  
Runaway this time without you  
And all I ever thought you'd be  
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I'm fine without you  
Runaway this time without you  
And all the things you put me through  
I'm holding on by letting go of you."

Despite knowing that at least Isabelle still wanted him, it still wasn't enough. The face in the mirror staring back at him looked older than he ever thought he could look. It wasn't welcome. He slipped out of her room, she still lay undisturbed. But as he let go of the knob and turned he realized he wasn't alone in the dim lit hallway.

Alec POV

"Alec- It's not." Alec narrowed his eyes slightly and looked down at the younger boy.

"I'm sure." He said, not feeling the energy the ask questions. Simon nodded and walked away, leaving he presumed and hoped. When he was out of eyesight, Alec looked at his younger sisters closed door. He sighed then looked to the ground. He stared at it the entire way to his own respective room. Thinking, turning over ideas and thoughts in his head restlessly. His sister? Miss Gray? Magnus? Magnus and Miss Gray.

Opening his door, he shut it swiftly and collapsed on his bed.

Alec closed his eyes and tried not to think about those things, but rather the happy things. Even though that selection was minimal. He tried desperately to cling to the memory of the dream he had last night. It was of him and Magnus. What he say to Magnus if he told him of it?

He rolled over in his bed, put his arm behind his head and looked at his ceiling.

"I had a dream last night we

Drove out to see Las Vegas  
We lost ourselves in the bright lights  
I wish you could have seen us  
Begging for change to get home  
Or at least San Francisco  
Let's put a ten on the high card  
And spend a summer on the west coast

You wore that red shirt that I love

I sang songs that I wrote you

We laughed our way down the beaches

As we danced around the issue

Down and to the left  
(Here's a map and the pen, the place you pointed at)  
Be California's best  
(All I ask, all I ask)

And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming  
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you  
If I roll over when it's over  
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me  
And wake up with the fondest memories

We made love by the ocean  
As the waves crashed around you  
Sunsets never were so bright  
And the skies never so blue  
You opened up into my arms  
And we laughed as I held you  
I'll never go back to Georgia  
Not at least till I have to

Down and to the left  
(Here's a map and the pen, the place you pointed at)  
Be California's best  
(All I ask, all I ask)

And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming  
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you  
If I roll over when it's over  
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me  
And wake up with the fondest memories  
Memories

I had a dream last night we  
Drove out to see Las Vegas  
We lost ourselves in the bright lights

Please don't tell me that I'm dreaming  
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you  
If I roll over when it's over  
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me  
And wake up with the fondest memories

We made love by the ocean  
As the waves crashed around you  
Sunsets never were so bright  
And the skies never so blue  
You opened up into my arms  
And we laughed as I held you  
I'll never go back to Georgia  
Not at least till I have to

Down and to the left."

Luke POV

Not even a stir or a flutter of the eyelids. Jocelyn simply would not move or wake up.

"You must know what this is doing to me, to your daughter. Jocelyn?" He held her hand tightly. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." He waited, but nothing. Dropping it, he stood and walked to the window. "Never mind."

He looked out the window at the courtyard where twenty or so other patients spent their days. They rode around in their wheelchairs or dragging along an I.V. But that did not matter all of them were more alive than Jocelyn.

"I was so high, I did not recognize  
The fire burning in her eyes  
The chaos that controlled my mind  
Whispered goodbye as she got on a plane  
Never to return again  
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me  
She said goodbye too many times before  
And her heart is breaking in front of me  
I have no choice 'cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite  
Keep her coming every night  
So hard to keep her satisfied  
Kept playing love like it was just a game  
Pretending to feel the same  
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me  
She said goodbye too many times before  
And her heart is breaking in front of me  
I have no choice 'cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things  
Repair your broken wings  
And make sure everything is alright  
My pressure on your hips  
Sinking my fingertips  
Into every inch of you  
'Cause I know that's what you want me to do 

This love has taken its toll on me  
She said goodbye too many times before  
And her heart is breaking in front of me  
I have no choice 'cause I won't say goodbye anymore." 


	13. Dead, Gone, Young and Perfect

*Alright so last night I couldn't sleep. All I could think about was this story and how the timeline does not make sense, at all. So I planned on just fast forwarding to the present time, but so much stuff happened in the last chapters that need to be resolved. I think I might work to speed this up and possibly start a new story in the present. I'm going to have to shake things up a bit in this one. If you're confused, feel free to ask. :]

*Italics are direct text from the books.

Playlist:

Waiting for a Girl Like You – Glee

When I Get Home, You're So Dead – Mayday Parade

Make You Feel My Love – Adele

Fuckin' Perfect – Pink

Dead & Gone [portion] – T.I. ft. Justin Timberlake

Forever Young – So They Say

Alec POV

"Mom?" Maryse Lightwood sat behind a mahogany desk across from him. She didn't even know his sexual orientation, and it already seemed as if she were far away. "Hmm?" She asked, not even looking up into her sons' eyes.

"Do you know a Shadowhunter with the name, Gray, female?" Her mother lifted a paper from her desk to read another one. She shook her head. The soft vibration of a door opening made Alec look up. An older man stepped in. His face was as familiar as it was unfamiliar.

"Dad, when did you come home?" His father looked at him.

"Last night." He came into the room and stopped at a book shelf behind Maryse. She didn't even seem to notice as he turned his back to her. "I didn't want to wake you or your brother and sister." Alec nodded as if that would have upset them. Even though he knew it wouldn't have.

"Do you know any Shadowhunter by the name of Gray?" His father stopped what he was doing and turned to look at his son. His expression was chemical. "No." He said swiftly, though Alec could tell he was lying.

Just then his mother popped her head up, as if she had not known the two men were there the entire time. "Wait. Gray… Gray…" She repeated over again. She swiveled her chair around to look at her husband who was studiously ignoring them. "Robert, where have I heard that name before?"

"I'm not sure." She looked back at Alec. "I've heard it somewhere." She stood up then and walked to a cabinet in one of the corners of the office. Pulling out the drawer, she looked at a few files. Pulling one out she opened it and read aloud.

"Miss Theresa Gray, 16 years old the last time she was seen, a pronounced warlock," she looked at Alec, "though she bore no mark." She sighed. "Now I remember." Putting the file back into the cabinet she looked to him. "Her story is a tragic one. Filled with lies and betrayal, unrequited romance. She lived over a hundred years ago. Pretty thing, poor girl." She cocked her head as Robert Lightwood threw the book he'd been looking at back on the shelf and stalked out of the room. His mother's eyes followed him out. "Why do you ask Alexander?" She asked, her eyes still trained on the slammed door.

"No reason. I heard her name, and I wondered is all." He stood up then and left. Just like his father, but for an entirely different reason.

"The words are coming I feel terrible  
Is it typical for us to end like this  
Am I just another scene  
From a movie that you've seen 100 times  
Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst  
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse  
And we could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth it  
Anymore

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under  
Lipstick lullabies  
This is sorry for the last time  
And baby I understand that your making new friends  
This is how you get by  
The moral this time is  
Girls make boys cry

On any other day I'd shoot the boy  
Cause your simple toy  
Had caused a scene like this  
Leave him hanging on the walls  
Just a picture in the hall  
Like 100 more  
Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips  
And he's making you scream with his hands on your hips  
I hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fix  
For such a simple little whore

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under  
Lipstick lullabies  
This is sorry for the last time  
And baby I understand that your making new friends  
This is how you get by  
The moral this time is  
Girls make boys cry

And your name remains the same  
All that has changed is this pretty face  
So pull the trigger  
It never gets closer  
You want to start over  
But never start over  
pull the trigger  
you want to start over  
but never start over

So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that your under  
Lipstick lullabies  
This is sorry for the last time  
And baby I understand that your making new friends  
This is how you get by  
The moral this time is  
Girls make boys cry

Say hello  
Say hello  
Lipstick lullabies  
This is sorry for the last time  
And baby I understand that your making new friends  
This is how you get by  
The moral this time is  
Girls make boys cry."

The anger boiled inside him as he tried to remember what it was like to be happy. But he couldn't. The Gray girl was around when his Magnus was. And even though she had no mark, she was a warlock just like him. They probably had their relations.

Jace POV

Robert Lightwood, his godfather, had passed him in the hall. He didn't even look up from the ground he was boring holes into to notice. Jace had shrugged it off, not particularly caring. That wasn't really what was on his mind right now. All he could seem to think about, despite the methodic hot water beating on his back, was Clary.

Was she still in his room? Was she hurt? Did she mean it? _What we want would be sickening to everyone. _Jace shuddered and closed his eyes. Shutting off the water with a slam he got out and dried off.

He opened the door from his bathroom and found her sleeping on his bed. Despite his earlier anger, he smiled down at her and took a seat on the small chair in the corner, watching her and toying with the shard of his broken memory.

Isabelle POV

Isabelle yanked her door open after hearing the sound of the institute door bell. Clary was already rushing down the hall past, Jace following behind like a trained puppy.

"_Simon!_" Clary's voice squealed. "_It must be him!_" Isabelle rolled her eyes with some jealousy.

"_Oh, for goodness' sake,_" she yawned in mock boredom, "_is he really waking us up at this ungodly hour just to prove his love to you or something. Couldn't he have _called_? Mundane men are such twits._"

Jace POV

"_Clary," _he whispered, trying not to break her fragile state. He reached his hand out but she pulled away quickly. He tried not to let her see the hurt it caused him.

"So long, I've been looking too hard, I've waiting too long  
Sometimes I don't know what I will find  
I only know it's a matter of time

When you love someone... When you love someone...  
It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too

Maybe I'm wrong  
Won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong?  
This heart of mine has been hurt before  
This time I wanna be sure

I've been waiting, for a girl like you  
to come into my life  
I've been waiting, for a girl like you  
And a love that will survive  
I've been waiting for someone new  
To make me feel alive

Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life."

Clary POV

A single tear slid down her blood stained cheek

"When the rain is blowing in your face,  
and the whole world is on your case,  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
to make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,  
and there is no one there to dry your tears,  
I could hold you for a million years  
to make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,  
but I would never do you wrong.  
I've known it from the moment that we met,  
no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,  
and I'd go crawling down the avenue.  
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do  
to make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea  
and on the highway of regret.  
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,  
you ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  
Nothing that I wouldn't do.  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,  
to make you feel my love  
to make you feel my love."

The worst part? Clary couldn't decide if she sang for Simon, or for Jace. Or both.

Magnus POV

A knock on the door sounded and Magnus dropped the cat suddenly and headed toward it. Alec was standing there on his porch, looking at the uneventful concrete ground.

"I know who she was. Is." He shook his head and met Magnus' eyes. "Were you and her a... thing? Because I saw her and she was pretty, and thin. And I know how you look it both ways and stuff. No I take that back, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. But really, I'm... I'm... It's hard for me Magnus, and it's going to be hard for us. It's bad, it's really bad to be... well what I am and a Shadowhunter." Magnus listened to his blubbering with affection. "Did you and her have a relationship?" He asked finally.

"I would never have done that to any man, even if I hated him." Alec squinted his eyes in confusion. "No."

Alec sighed with relief. "I know I'm not perfect Magnus, but I'm trying to work through this all and it's not easy. Especially without anyone to talk to about it. I'm not perfect." Magnus took his hand and pulled him into the apartment.

"Made a wrong turn  
Once or twice  
Dug my way out  
Blood and fire  
Bad decisions  
That's alright  
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced  
Misunderstood  
Miss knowing it's all good  
It didn't slow me down.

Mistaking  
Always second guessing  
Underestimating  
Look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than  
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You're fucking perfect to me

You're so mean  
When you talk  
About yourself, you were wrong  
Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead  
So complicated  
Look how we all make it  
Filled with so much hatred  
Such a tired game

It's enough  
I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons  
I've seen you do the same

Oh

Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than  
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You're fucking perfect to me

The whole worlds scared  
So I swallow the fear  
The only thing I should be drinking  
Is an ice cold beer

So cool in line  
And we try, try, try  
But we try too hard  
And it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics  
Cause they're everywhere  
They don't like my jeans  
They don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves  
And we do it all the time  
Why do we do that?  
Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeeeeaaaahhh  
Oooooooh  
Oh baby pretty please

Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever feel  
Like you're less than  
Fucking perfect

Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You're fucking perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect

Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing  
You're fucking perfect to me."

Alec smiled at Magnus. The door to his apartment opened and an annoying blonde strolled in. Alec pulled his hand back and Magnus shot him a look. Jace turned around and looked at them suspiciously.

"I was looking for you." Alec said.

"Oh, well I was about to call you. Seems there's a situation at Luke's and we have to get there now." Jace walked back out and Alec gave Magnus an apologetic smile and followed blonde boy.

"You're perfect to me."

Simon POV

"_At least you can still go out in daylight." _Simon knew that he sounded pathetic, but at this point he really didn't care anymore. Clary looked at him with wide eyes.

"Simon, I didn't mean-" He cut her off not really wanting to hear it.

"I know you didn't." He muttered so more words and then began to exit to kitchen.

"I'm going to get old, you know. I don't really want to have this conversation now, but if I continue to put it off, I know I never will. I'm going to get old, and you're going to look like this," She gestured to his youth, "forever."

"May the good Lord be with you  
Down every road you roam  
And may sunshine and happiness  
Surround you when you're far from home  
And may you grow to be proud  
Dignified and true  
And do unto others  
As you'd have done to you  
Be courageous and be brave  
And in my heart you'll always stay  
Forever Young

May good fortune be with you  
May your guiding light be strong  
Build a stairway to heaven  
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain  
And in my heart you will remain  
Forever young  
Forever young  
And forever young  
And forever Young

And when you finally fly away  
I'll be hoping that I served you well  
For all the wisdom of a lifetime  
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose  
I'm right behind you, win or lose  
Forever young  
Forever young  
Forever young  
And forever young  
Forever young."

Jace POV

"_What do you think you're doing?" _ The picture before him was more than an image, but a scary one. Clary, holding a kitchen knife in her hand, poised to attack standing atop a coffee table looked down at herself. "_Do you even know how to use that, Clarissa?_ Without_ poking a hole in yourself or any innocent bystanders?" _Jace could almost see the venom drip from his lips just as his words did.

Jace looked away ignoring her next remark.

"_I'm Magnus Bane." _Magnus said soothingly to Maia, who had apparently been lying down on Luke's couch the entire time, blood dripping from her shoulder.

"Where's Luke?" I asked, not caring who chose to answer. "He went out to move the car." Simon said. Jace looked up at him with veiled sympathy. "_Funny_," he said without amusement, "_I didn't see him when we were coming up the stairs_."

Clary POV

Panic rose in Clary's chest like a burning flame. Where was Luke? He was just moving the truck, he should've been back by now.

"_I'll go check on him_." Jace turned to leave but stopped when he heard Clary speak.

"I'll go with you_._" He denied her and she jumped between him and the door. He glared down at her as though he were going to push her and didn't care what she thought about it.

"_Stop."_ Some more words were exchanged, but she never faltered.

"_Oh, for the love of-"_ Simon spoke and stopped suddenly. Both Clary and Jace shut up and looked at him. Her face was a mask of sadness and anger at what she'd made him, Jace's was unreadable. "_I'll go." _He said finally.

"Simon-"

"_We'll all go_." Jace said interrupting her. He handed her a blade." Nakir, that's its name." Jace walked and Simon looked at her and then down to the blade, quickly he looked away as if trying to forget it.

"Ohh I've been travelin on this road too long  
Just trying to find my way back home  
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone  
Ohh I've been travelin on this road too long  
Just trying to find my way back home  
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone."


End file.
